Inside the mind of a bully

“Extremely dangerous bullies have much in common with psychopaths, in that they feel little to no remorse over their actions.”

When I was being bullied as a pre-teen/teen, I always hated the word bullying, it always felt tragically worse then it sounded. It was much more then just being made fun. Harassments, threats, I was petrified to leave home in wonder of what was coming next… It was just a word in my ear no one ever took seriously enough, a weak word that made me feel embarrassed to tell others about. So let me help you understand what the word “Bully” truly means, and how you can begin to understand such a person. Bullying is a term used to describe a person of any age that uses unwanted aggression (readiness to attack) in forms of abuse that is intentionally directed towards asserting power and dominance over another individual or group.  Bullying has very little to do with the victim in particular rather then the bullies inability to filter aggression and personality problems. Bullying is a sign of physiological unsteadiness which if left unresolved later results in much more serious attacks of abuse.

Dissecting the mind of a bully is hard but not at all impossible, a huge myth around bullies is that they have extremely low self-esteem. This is exceedingly untrue. Bullies have such pathological high self-esteem it is unstable. Due to this they have narcissistic traits, a strong need to control and desire to dominate, and the feeling of being elite. Small things can set off the individual provoking them to have extreme negative thoughts that they feel are unbearable and are unable to tolerate resulting in lash outs in order to gain their power back.

The term “Serial Bully”  was first used by Tim Field  in his campaign “UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line” which was conducted between 1996 and 2004. The Serial bully has much in common with psychopaths and can take bullying to a severe level, many cases resulting in suicide by the victim.  Bullying increases the risk of depression, suicidal ideas, and suicide attempts in the victim 2-9 times (OLWEUS bullying prevention program). Almost 50% of people get bullied in some form. It’s not that the statistics on bullying are sky rocketing, it is the fact the outcomes are devastating. Bullying commonly last for months due to a bullies tendency to obsess, but bullying can last days, weeks, months, or even years. A serial bully will take bullying to excessive extents, using attempts to physically hurt or ruin ones complete reputation in order to completely remove their victim from the situation. Bullying can be done in forms such as physical, verbal, social and environmental, and cyber bullying. Internet victimization is becoming the most popular and usually comes from a serial bully being their victims inability to ‘escape’ the abuse and capability for the bully to be anonymous so you are unable to tell who the aggressive nature is coming from resulting in their comfort that they will not get caught.

Bullies maintain power and carry on with abusive behaviour by feeling they have achieved their goal of dominance and destruction of others and after a goal is achieved they find a “new challenge”. Having physiological problems, a “new challenge” intrigues most bullies for their need to dominate is uncontrollable. Many tend to wonder why a bully is able to be so dominant, bullies tend to have the “Ripple Effect” on other individuals that are not being targeted. The need for power being a psychological need according to McClelland’s theory, causes others to intentionally or unthinkingly agree and continue agreement along the individual with the most power having subliminal intentions or intentions of gaining just as much. The media part of society highly promotes this kind of behaviour, with messages in their music, movies, blogs, twitter etc.. Whether young people realize or not, what they see and hear around them has a significant effect on their thinking patterns. Negativity breeds negativity, no matter what form it comes in.

Remember that bully is just a word to describe a type of person. Each and everyone of us fights a battle every single day, and everyone has a sentence that would put them on their knees. Everyone copes with difficulties in their lives in different ways, we all put our pain into something external or internal. We don’t always choose to cope with pain in positive ways, I know. It could be a pill or a drag, it could be a drink or ten, it could be a knife, or a scale, porn, the internet, gambling, your children, your friends, your job. Never forget that a bully is fighting a hard battle, and this is just their way of trying to cope. Many bullies have “Secret pain” this is pain from their past they refuse to acknowledge, or  “secret sin” which is a guilty conscience for something they have done that they refuse to acknowledge. Their ability to use their unsettledness  and past ‘baggage’ to torment others is efficient. There are many similarities in bullies, traits having to do with many different personality disorders. Being rigidity, having superficial charm, having the tendency to manipulate, to be compulsively obsessive, and to be narcissistic etc.. Many similarities are found also in reasoning of why these individuals have these traits, many going back to disturbed childhood in which their emotional needs were little if not completely unmet. This said bullies emotional response differ remarkably from those who do not bully, an incapability to channel aggression positively and becoming aggressively angrier quicker comes from a variety of things most being improperly socialized as a child.

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2 thoughts on “Inside the mind of a bully

  1. Pingback: Sexy Moxie Mama

  2. Pingback: The Dark Side Of Being An Author by @RachelintheOC

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